Why do we highlight our failures?
Some friends are remodeling their house: it's almost done, and they gave me a brief tour yesterday. It's lovely: they did a nice job of adding some space and reconfiguring other. The kitchen's entirely remade, and looks to be simply wonderful: spacious, usable, etc., etc. There's a new island in the kitchen for prep work, serving, etc., with the oven built in, storage drawers and cabinets, and a nice drawer for the microwave.
My friends pointed out that they realized after installing things that they should have had the microwave drawer in a different spot: it would have been more convenient.
Here's this lovely new kitchen that's about 98% perfect. Sure, they pointed out lots of nice things, but why do we (certainly not just they: we, essentially all) point out so quickly our failings in such situations? I'd surely have never noticed this small problem as a visitor, even had they invited me for dinner, quite likely even had I gone over and helped cook.
Indeed, we should learn from our mistakes. Why dwell on them? Why point them out unnecessarily? Is it simply modesty (a false sense thereof)? Or do so many of us view ourselves in some ways as failures and must, to justify ourselves, point that out?
Across the Country and Back: the Flights, Part 3
6 years ago
1 comment:
Humans are superb at noticing differences from what is expected, so this isn't this surprising. On the other hand, "don't sweat the small stuff" is one of the keys to satisfaction. It is good practice to tell yourself and others what is going well. That's why we require a "rose" for every "thorn" in a Thorns and Roses exercise, to practice noticing and speaking up about the positive.
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